Supporting Your Child Through Puberty: How Parents Can Stay Connected and Help Them Grow Supporting your child through puberty doesn’t start with tighter control. At this stage, children may go quiet and want more space of their own. Many parents know that the adolescent mind is complex, and they often feel torn between “letting go” and “holding on tighter”. Let go too much, and they worry their child will lose direction. Hold on too tightly, and their child is likely to drift further away. That is why talking with a child going through puberty needs to start with listening and setting clear boundaries. Puberty is a time when children need to be understood, not just managed During puberty, many of the changes you see in your child don’t come from being “more stubborn”. They are entering a stage where they want to make more of their own decisions, but are not yet steady enough to handle every emotion. That is why even a simple reminder can trigger a strong reaction. Adolescents are often highly sensitive to judgement. They notice how their parents see them, compare them with others or doubt their abilities. When pressed with questions about grades, friends or their phone, they may choose silence as a way to protect themselves. What parents need first is not to find a way to fix their child straight away. They need to understand what is going on behind the behaviour. With the right understanding, talking with your adolescent becomes less tense. Common changes during puberty Your child’s moods may become more changeable. One day they are cheerful; the next they are irritable for no obvious reason. They also start to want their own space and to choose their own friends, decide how they study or how they express themselves. At school, they may care more about their friendship group, their image and feeling accepted. As a result, their learning can fluctuate. A student who used to work hard may lose focus if they are under social pressure, losing confidence or feeling unable to keep up. These changes shouldn’t be seen as being “naughty” or “lazy”. They are signals that your child needs adults to observe them more closely. Understanding the adolescent mind is the first step to supporting your child effectively What is normal, and when should you look more closely? Needing privacy, occasionally reacting strongly or sharing less can all be common. However, parents should pay attention if their child withdraws for a long time, avoids school, has trouble sleeping, shows a clear drop in academic performance or shows signs of self-harm. According to the WHO, adolescents’ mental health is shaped by their family, school, friends and social environment. So if signs persist or involve self-harm, parents should seek professional support rather than trying to handle it alone. How is supporting your child through puberty different from controlling them? Many parents mistake supporting their child through puberty for monitoring their every move. In reality, these two approaches create very different experiences. Control usually starts from the parent’s anxiety. Support starts from understanding what the child needs to grow up more safely. At this stage, adolescents are very sensitive to feeling judged. When parents fire off questions, run surprise checks or focus only on mistakes, children easily become defensive. They may go silent, lie, hide things or react more sharply. Control makes children more defensive Control isn’t just about banning things. Sometimes it means asking too many questions without really listening. For example, as soon as you see your child on their phone, you ask: “Who are you messaging now?” When they get a low mark, the first thing you say is: “Why are you doing so badly at school?” Reactions like these make children feel as if they are on trial. Over time, they stop wanting to share what’s really going on. Talking with your adolescent then becomes a confrontation rather than a connection. Listening and respecting personal space help parents stay connected with their adolescent child Support means observing, listening and setting clear boundaries Support doesn’t mean your child can do whatever they like. Parents still need boundaries around study, devices, bedtime, friendships and personal safety. The difference is that these boundaries are clearly explained, agreed in advance and reviewed together with your child. Support can be understood through 3 pillars: emotional connection, safe boundaries and personal responsibility. Parents listen to understand the cause, then work with their child to choose the right way forward. Your child still takes responsibility, but doesn’t feel abandoned. School group Area Segment Curriculum focus Private, enhanced English An Khanh, Geleximco Mid-range Vietnamese curriculum + English Bilingual / K–12 An Khanh, Le Trong Tan Mid to high Vietnamese + supplementary international International-focused An Khanh (Splendora) High International curriculum The difference lies in how your child feels. Control makes them want to avoid you. Support lets them know their parents are still there, without taking away their right to grow up. Support creates space for children to share, take responsibility and learn independence 7 ways parents can support their child through puberty every day Supporting your child through puberty doesn’t have to begin with big conversations. Often, change comes from the way parents respond day to day. A less judgemental question, a clearly explained boundary or one moment of full attention can all help your child feel less defensive. What matters is patience. The adolescent mind changes quickly, but your child’s trust can’t be rebuilt in a few days. Respect their privacy without letting go completely Adolescents need their own space to feel trusted and respected. Parents should avoid intervening too much, while agreeing on basic rules around bedtime, screen time, study and personal safety. These rules should be discussed clearly in advance, rather than only set when your child makes a mistake. Use open questions instead of interrogation Open questions let your child choose how much to share. They find it easier to talk when they don’t feel forced to answer immediately. A common mistake is questioning a child as if checking facts. “What mark did you get today?”, “Who are you going out with?” and “Why are you so quiet?” are the kinds of questions that make children shut down. When talking with your adolescent, try using more open questions. For example: “Did anything happen today that upset you?” or “Is there anything at school that’s making you feel under pressure?” Teachers listen to and support students as they learn and grow Listen before giving advice Rather than rushing to correct or offer solutions, parents should first listen and acknowledge their child’s feelings. Responses such as “I understand that really upset you” help your child feel understood. Then you can ask whether they want to sort it out themselves or would like to work on it together. Praise effort, not just grades Parents should recognise their child’s progress and effort rather than focusing only on grades. Specific praise about the learning process helps reduce pressure, shows your child that effort is worth recognising and gradually builds active learning habits. Build a realistic study plan together An adolescent’s energy and focus can vary from week to week, so a study plan should be flexible and manageable. Parents can work with their child to set a few key goals each week, while leaving time to rest so they stay motivated. Talk calmly about friends, relationships and social media During puberty, friends have a huge influence. Children also start to care about their image, relationships and connections online. If parents react too harshly, their child will move these conversations out of the family’s view. Parents don’t have to agree with every choice their child makes, but they should keep a calm tone when discussing them. Ask your child what they think, what risks they see and how they would handle things if something went wrong. With social media, parents should talk about boundaries and consequences – for example, private information, personal photos, hurtful comments or unsafe group chats. This also lays the groundwork for your child to understand more about staying safe online. Stay connected through small family activities Connecting with your child doesn’t have to mean long conversations. Parents can keep up simple routines such as having breakfast together, going for walks, watching films or doing household chores each week. What matters is creating a relaxed space and not turning time together into a review session, so that your child feels the family is always a safe place to share. What should parents do when their child’s grades drop or they become defiant? When your child’s grades slip, avoid opening with questions about marks, as this easily puts them on the defensive. Instead, start by observing and checking in gently so that your child can share the difficulties they are facing. Find the cause before adding pressure A drop in performance can have many causes, such as gaps in foundational knowledge, lack of sleep, peer pressure or not yet knowing how to manage their time. Parents should look for the cause before increasing academic pressure, and then choose a suitable solution together with their child. Agree on a small plan and review it Rather than setting goals that are too big, parents can work with their child to choose one small goal for 1–2 weeks and agree on how to track it. The family can then review how well it worked and adjust the plan if needed. When should you speak to a teacher or school counsellor? If the drop in performance continues, your child avoids school, withdraws or shows signs of emotional distress, parents should talk to their teachers and seek professional support when needed. Working together, the family and the school can identify the issue and support your child more effectively. Listening in the right way helps parents understand their adolescent child better Common mistakes parents make when supporting their child through puberty When supporting their child through puberty, parents can sometimes push their child away without meaning to, even when they act out of care. Common mistakes to avoid include: Comparing your child with friends or siblings: Comparisons can easily make children feel inferior and lose motivation. Parents should focus on their child’s own progress rather than measuring them against others. Turning every conversation into a reminder to study: If you only ever ask about homework and grades, your child may start avoiding conversations. Alongside schoolwork, take time to ask about their friends, hobbies and the things they care about. Checking their private life without agreed rules: Checking their phone, messages or personal belongings without asking can erode trust. Parents should agree in advance on rules for device use and the reasons for stepping in when there is a risk. Dismissing your child’s feelings: Phrases such as “There’s nothing to be upset about” can make your child reluctant to share. When talking with your adolescent, acknowledge their feelings first, then work out how to handle the problem together. Support isn’t about control; it’s about staying connected at the right moments The school’s role in supporting students through puberty Alongside the family, school is an important environment for children’s academic, emotional and social development. Coordination between teachers, parents and school activities can give your child extra support to feel more confident during puberty. The learning environment shapes your child’s sense of belonging A safe, respectful learning environment helps students feel listened to, have a voice and fit in easily with their peers. When children feel they belong, they also have more confidence to take part in learning and school activities. Communication between teachers and parents helps spot problems early Teachers may notice changes in your child at school that parents find hard to see at home, such as losing focus, participating less or interacting differently with friends. Regular communication between home and school helps spot issues early and agree on the right support. Extracurricular activities give children another way to express themselves Sports, arts, group projects and community activities give children the chance to discover their strengths and build relationships beyond the classroom. They are also spaces where students can express themselves with confidence and find friends who share their interests. Westlink students learning, collaborating and developing skills in an international environment How does Westlink support students through puberty? During puberty, students don’t just need a suitable curriculum. They also need an environment where they feel safe, respected and able to grow. At Westlink, supporting students through puberty is best seen as an ecosystem in which the family, teachers and the school all keep an eye on how each child is changing. The aim is not to control students more, but to help them understand themselves, take responsibility and grow in confidence every day. An international, inclusive environment helps students feel they belong Feeling accepted has a big influence on adolescents, helping them take part confidently in lessons, group activities and school life. Westlink’s international, inclusive and multilingual environment gives students the opportunity to learn how to communicate, collaborate and respect differences. When visiting the school, parents can observe how students interact with one another and how teachers respond. How naturally students engage in lessons and shared activities can give some sense of how well they feel included. Students develop academically, in skills and in their personal lives Puberty is the stage when students begin to form their own identity. That is why learning shouldn’t revolve around grades alone. Children need opportunities to try new things, make mistakes safely and discover their strengths. At Westlink, parents can find out more about the learning journey, extracurricular activities, academic skills and students’ future pathways. Notably, Westlink doesn’t measure students’ development through grades alone. The school guides students through personalised learning, life skills, digital skills and social-emotional learning. Beyond the classroom, extracurricular activities give students more room to try new things, make friends and build confidence. Families can start with a school tour A school tour lets parents see classrooms, teacher interactions and the learning atmosphere first-hand. Families can also discuss how Westlink supports students through puberty, especially in terms of inclusion, academic progress, emotional wellbeing and connection with parents. It is an opportunity for parents to judge whether the learning environment suits their child’s personality, needs and pace of growing up. Being understood helps children feel more confident during a time of change Supporting your child through puberty means learning to understand them during a period of great change. Parents need to listen and observe patiently rather than only reacting to outward behaviour. If you are looking for an environment where your adolescent child is listened to, supported and able to grow, you can book a tour of Westlink. The visit will let you see the classrooms and speak directly with the school team.
