School Bullying: Signs, Effects and How to Protect Your Child the Right Way School bullying is a sensitive issue that directly affects children’s wellbeing and development. A child may become withdrawn, afraid of going to school, or be hurt physically and emotionally. The effects go beyond a loss of confidence: bullying can have a lasting impact on learning and social relationships. Join Westlink as we look at the signs, the effects and the right ways to protect your child, so they can grow in confidence and develop in every area of life. What is school bullying? How is it different from ordinary teasing? School bullying is behaviour that causes physical or emotional harm. According to StopBullying.gov, behaviour counts as bullying when it has all three of the following elements. The three elements of school bullying: Intentional: The person doing it deliberately sets out to hurt someone, rather than doing so by accident. Repeated over time: The behaviour happens many times; it is not a one-off incident. An imbalance of power: The bully has more power than the victim, whether through physical strength, numbers, social status or digital skills. Many parents confuse bullying with ordinary disagreements between friends. The two are fundamentally different. Being able to tell them apart helps you respond in proportion, without underreacting or overreacting. Criterion School bullying Teasing between friends Ordinary conflict Purpose To hurt Two-way fun A difference of opinion Frequency Repeated Occasional One-off Power Imbalanced Balanced Balanced How the victim feels Emotionally hurt, anxious, unsafe Amused or slightly uncomfortable Temporarily angry 5 common forms of school bullying today Physical bullying (hitting, pushing, taking belongings) This is the easiest form to recognise. The bully uses physical strength to cause pain or to intimidate. Typical behaviours include hitting, pushing, pulling hair, taking school belongings and forcing the victim to do tasks for them. Some behaviours seem minor but still count as physical bullying, such as deliberately blocking someone’s way, hiding their school bag or damaging their belongings. Bruises, torn clothes or belongings that keep “disappearing” are signs to watch out for. Verbal bullying (mocking, negative nicknames, intimidation) Verbal bullying includes mocking, giving negative nicknames, threatening and insulting. It is common at every age and in every classroom. What makes verbal bullying dangerous is that it rarely leaves evidence, and children find it hard to repeat exactly what was said to their parents. Although it causes no physical injury, it wears down a child’s self-esteem day by day. Relational bullying (isolating, excluding, spreading rumours) This is the most subtle form and is often underestimated by parents. The bully manipulates the victim’s social relationships: isolating them, shutting them out, spreading rumours or forming a “side” to push them out of the group. Relational bullying is common among older primary and lower secondary students. The victim isn’t hit or sworn at, but goes to school every day feeling abandoned. This form can cause the longest-lasting emotional harm. Online bullying (cyberbullying) Online bullying is an increasingly significant concern as students use social media, group chats and personal devices more and more. No end to the school day: Attacks can happen 24/7, following children all the way to bed. It spreads fast: A mocking video can be seen by hundreds of students in the same year group within a few hours. Hard to erase: Content can be screenshotted, saved and reposted elsewhere. Common platforms for online bullying in Vietnam include class Zalo group chats, TikTok comments, Instagram stories and Messenger spam. Bullying based on personal characteristics (appearance, family background, academic ability) This form targets characteristics a child can’t control: appearance, weight, family background, academic ability, gender or ethnicity. The bully turns difference into a reason to attack. For students in a multicultural environment, this kind of bullying may target their nationality or their ability in English or Vietnamese. This is why schools such as Westlink apply a Safeguarding and Child Protection policy aligned with international best practice, with clear and transparent procedures for handling concerns, to make sure the learning environment is safe for every student. Forms of school bullying are becoming more varied and harder to spot Signs your child is being bullied, by age group Kindergarten children (ages 3–6) Children at this age can rarely tell you themselves, so you need to read their behaviour and physical signs. Common signs include: Not wanting to go to school and clinging tightly to their parent in the morning Clothes that are unusually dirty or torn after school Leaving a lot of food uneaten and saying they’re “not hungry” when asked Starting to wet the bed again after having stopped Drawing pictures with negative or violent images Being afraid of a particular classmate and not wanting to say their name At this age, bullying is usually physical or involves fights over toys. A good-quality kindergarten will have teachers who observe closely and let parents know early. Primary school children (ages 6–11) Primary children start to hide things, especially if they see their parents overreact. The signs become more complex: Often “forgetting” school things (when in fact they have been taken) Asking for more money than usual (they may be being extorted) Making up reasons not to go to school, such as a stomach ache or headache on Monday morning Losing a close friend and no longer talking about school A sudden, unexplained drop in academic performance Restless sleep or nightmares This is also the age when online bullying begins to appear. Many children already have their own phone, or use their parents’ devices to go on TikTok or Zalo. Primary children may hide bullying because they don’t want their parents to worry Lower secondary students (ages 11–15) This is the stage when bullying is most complex. Adolescents are building their sense of identity and are very sensitive to how their peers see them. Online bullying often surges at this stage. Signs to watch for: Sudden changes on social media, such as locking their Facebook account, changing their Instagram name or deleting apps Reacting strongly every time a message arrives Avoiding school events such as birthdays, trips and clubs A noticeable change in how they dress or look, in the direction of “hiding themselves” Being irritable with family members, especially younger siblings Feeling insecure about their appearance and asking questions such as “Am I fat?” or “Is my nose ugly?” At this stage, children rarely speak up on their own. You need to create a safe space so your child feels able to share. Upper secondary students (ages 15–18) Upper secondary students are the best at hiding what is happening. They have developed complex psychological defences, and the signs can look like “normal teenage rebellion”. How to tell the difference from a typical teenage phase: Social isolation lasting more than 2 weeks, rather than “sometimes wanting to be alone” A sharp rise in missing school or skipping lessons Substance use or self-harm Saying hopeless things such as “Nobody understands me” or “I’d rather just disappear” Prolonged sleep problems or rapid weight loss Avoiding particular subjects linked to the group bullying them The effects of school bullying Short-term effects In the first few weeks to months, the signs usually show up clearly in a child’s physical health and learning. Bruises and physical injuries are the most visible. However, the psychological impact is the bigger concern. Children who are bullied often lose focus in class, and their results drop quickly. Many develop physical symptoms with no medical cause, such as headaches, stomach aches and sleep problems. Their social circle shrinks, and they may play with only one or two people, if they are lucky. Long-term effects This is the most worrying part, and the reason school bullying is considered a serious problem. Research from the World Health Organization shows its effects can last into adulthood. Recorded long-term effects: Mental health: a higher risk of depression, anxiety disorders and eating disorders. Self-esteem: a negative self-image that lasts into adulthood. Relationships: difficulty trusting others and building close relationships. Career: lack of confidence in the workplace and reluctance to take on leadership roles. Behaviour: a higher risk of substance use. The harm caused by bullying can last into adulthood The impact on bystanders This is often overlooked but very important. Students who watch a classmate being bullied without being able to step in may feel guilty, and many develop long-lasting anxiety. The person doing the bullying doesn’t “win” either. Research shows this group is at higher risk of legal problems and of difficulties in relationships and careers as adults. Bullying is a sign of the bully’s own psychological struggles, not a sign of “strength”. What parents should do if they find out their child is being bullied The moment you discover your child is being bullied matters a great deal. React too strongly and your child may shut down; react too weakly and they may feel abandoned. The 72-hour plan below helps you act systematically. When do parents need urgent help? Parents need to act immediately if their child says hopeless things, shows signs of self-harm, faces serious threats, has had private images shared or refuses to go to school for several days in a row. In these cases, parents shouldn’t simply wait for the school to deal with it internally. Contact a mental health professional, a child protection agency or Vietnam’s National Child Helpline on 111 for timely guidance. Step 1: The first 24 hours – listen and take note Choose a quiet moment, such as in the evening or on the way somewhere together. Start gently: “You look tired. Did something happen at school?” DON’T promise immediate action, interrupt or push your child to fight back. Note down the details: when, where, who was involved and what happened. Step 2: 24–48 hours – gather evidence and build a timeline Messages and social media screenshots. Photos of injuries, damaged belongings or spoiled schoolwork. Accounts from trusted classmates. A timeline of events in chronological order, focusing on clarity. Step 3: 48–72 hours – work with the school Start with the form teacher and ask for a private meeting. Present your timeline and evidence, and keep emotions out of it. Ask clearly about the school’s anti-bullying policy and procedures. Ask for a specific action plan with a timeline. Note: a school with no clear policy, or one that avoids the issue, is a warning sign. Step 4: After 1 week – monitor and seek psychological support Check your child’s behaviour, the school’s feedback and the classroom environment. If there is no improvement after 2 weeks, take your child to see a school psychologist or counsellor. Early counselling helps children stabilise; it doesn’t mean there is “something wrong” with them. A 72-hour plan helps parents handle bullying calmly and effectively What parents should not do when their child is being bullied Parents’ most common mistakes usually come from love. But love expressed in the wrong way can make things worse. Avoid these six things at all costs: Teaching your child to hit back: This increases the risk of injury and of your child being disciplined. Forcing your child to confront the bully: Without adult intervention, this can deepen the harm. Contacting the other child’s parents while angry: This can easily lead to arguments, and your child may face retaliation. Telling your child to ignore it because “it’s nothing”: This sends the message that their feelings don’t matter, and they may be reluctant to tell you next time. Threatening to change schools immediately: This needs careful thought; threats made in anger put extra pressure on your child. Posting about it on social media: It may relieve your feelings, but it makes it harder for your child to fit back in. Some hasty reactions can hurt a child even more The school’s role in preventing bullying Schools play a key role in preventing school bullying; parents shouldn’t be left to handle it alone. Schools that take it seriously have a clear anti-bullying policy that publicly sets out a definition, a reporting process, consequences and support for victims. A comprehensive pastoral care system and teachers who keep an eye on students’ wellbeing help detect warning signs early. International schools follow child protection policies to protect children in every respect, from safer recruitment to reporting mechanisms and cooperation with specialist agencies. Students are also given several safe ways to report concerns, such as an anonymous box, a counsellor’s email address or an internal app, so they feel able to speak up when something is wrong. A school with a good system helps reduce the risk of bullying How Westlink builds a safe learning environment for children Westlink is part of the International Schools Partnership (ISP), a network of 121 schools in more than 26 markets (as at October 2026). Two of the school’s four core values relate directly to preventing bullying: Compassion and Integrity. These values go beyond slogans and are built into Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) lessons, homeroom time, the IB Primary Years Programme (PYP) and community activities. At the same time, the IB programmes at Westlink nurture the IB learner profile, notably the attributes “Caring” and “Principled”. This framework helps students understand that kindness and integrity are skills that can be practised every day, rather than qualities people are simply born with. At Westlink, protecting students goes beyond values. The school has a comprehensive student safeguarding policy, supported by the Safeguarding team, counselling services and a Student Support Team. A pastoral care system, professional counselling services and a social-emotional learning (SEL) programme give students a trusted source of support when they face difficulties with friendships, emotions or their learning environment. Westlink focuses on a safe, respectful and compassionate learning environment School bullying needs to be identified early and handled in the right way to protect children’s safety, wellbeing and confidence. Parents should listen to their child, work with the school and choose a learning environment with a strong student protection policy. At Westlink, students are supported in a safe, respectful environment that nurtures their emotional development. Contact Westlink today to find out about the curriculum and a learning environment that suits your child.
